Takin' One for the Team

Santonio Holmes is at it again?! Since 2006, Holmes-slice has been charged with marijuana possession in Pennsylvania (eh.), disorderly conduct (hmm) and domestic violence (uh-oh) in Florida.

Now the latest: A police report released yesterday alleges that Holmes hit a woman in the face with a glass on March 7, at Club Rain in Orlando.

The debacle started in the VIP section when Holmes demanded his seat back from a woman. And from there it escalated.

As an Ohio State alum, we are sure that Holmes has been to enough parties to know that one has to call "fives" before one leaves their seat in order to get it back upon their return.

Also, does Holmes need Washington Redskins running back Larry Johnson to show him how to properly squabble with females at a club? Lord knows Johnson, and his three documented incidents with women in clubs, is well-versed in such matters. We're sure if Johnson was with Holmes that night, the Steelers wideout would've simply spit his drink in the woman's face and called it a night.

It is worth noting that this incident took place just three days after Holmes' QB, Ben Rothlisberger, got himself involved in more monkey business in a club bathroom in Georgia.

We find it difficult to believe that Holmes-slice saw what happened to his teammate and dismissed it as he went out on the town that night two days after the news broke of Big Ben's troubles.

Instead we find it more plausible that Holmes decided to take some heat off his teammate by getting into a scrape with a female (the seat was an excuse), and also show Big Ben where to properly act out in the club when you are a pro athlete: In the VIP section.

Holmes is a true friend and teammate.

With all the rumors and innuendo surrounding what will happen with Donovan McNabb, we here at the D-train Daily decided to get in on all this irresponsible journalism.

The Oakland Raiders are the "front-runner" according to ESPN. What's a "front-runner" in trade talks? Seriously, what does that mean? When a player is a free-agent it is fair to say that blank team is a front-runner to sign him, but it is hardly applicable in this situation.

Next, every SportsCenter says it has more on the McNabb situation in the tease, and then delivers nothing new... except more speculation.

Hey ESPN! You cannot spell news without "new." Therefore, if it is the same tired nothing that you have run the past two days with your top Philly fiction writer Sal Palantonio and top NFL correspondent Adam Schefter (contradicting reports by the way), it is NOT news.

Speaking of ESPN's fiction writers, Schefter is beginning to annoy us more than usual with this close to home topic. His smarmy manner is off-putting enough but then he always come at audiences with his rain-making style of reporting which makes him contemptible.

Way back when, a farmer would pay a shaman to make it rain. When it did not rain the shaman would tell the farmer that perhaps more money was needed. If it did rain the shaman would tout himself as the one to have made it happen.

So when Schefter spouts off some "report" about what WILL happen and it does not, they (ESPN and Shaman, er, Schefter) simply gloss over that inaccurate report as though it were never spoken. If one of Schefter's predictions come to fruition, then they go on about how he broke that story.

However, if you are ever online, watch Associated Press wire reports early in the morning. Then watch SportsCenter. Schefter's "reports" usually match the AP's except for an added quote by Shaman from the always dependable "NFL source."

In short: Does Shaman read the AP or does the AP read him?

To get a true report we went to the last bastion of true journalism left in this country: TMZ. And according to the best news-gathers ever, a source close to McNabb (that's a little better) said that he would not go to Oakland.

A team giving anything for McNabb to the Eagles would not do so with him under a one-year deal. If McNabb refuses to sign an extention, then all the talk of him to Oakland is moot.

But we do not expect reality to get in the way of news nowadays, especially with respect to Eternal Specualation & Pontification Network.

The NCAA Dust has Settled

Whew! Finally, with the participants in this year's Final Four determined, everyone should feel safe to come out. However, do not look at your respective brackets!

Here's a quick look at the quintessential quintet of college basketball:

MICHIGAN STATE: 10 years after taking his best team to The Final Four, Tom Izzo returns (again) with perhaps his most unlikely.

The Spartans literally "survived and advanced" every step of the way winning their first four tournament games by the skin of their teeth. A three-point victory over New Mexico State, a buzzer-beating three-pointer to down Maryland after surrendering a big lead, a tight squeeze of upstart Northern Iowa, and a tight win over Tennessee (perhaps the best played game of the tournament), brought Izzo and his Spartan regiment to Indianapolis.

In every win, Michigan State found a way to secure victory. This team has all the hallmarks of what Izzo's teams are known for: defense, rebounding, timely shooting, and more defense. If Korie Lucious can continue to minimize the loss of point-guard Kalin Lucas with solid play and direction of the offense it will be hard to envision State not making Monday's title game.

But first they have to get past...

BUTLER:

The Bulldogs defense is "smack your mama good." Butler has yet to allow an opponent to surpass 60 points in the tournament. Butler's highest point totals allowed during the regular season coincided with their biggest opponents (Georgetown, Minnesota, and Clemson).

Kansas State Head Coach Frank Martin's head exploded at least five times during his teams defeat at the hands of Butler. Is it us or does that man need Zoloft?

The Bulldogs and their coach, Brad Stevens, will certainly be homers this weekend playing within walking distance of their campus. Is it us, or is Stevens not of legal drinking age?

If Butler cuts down the nets Monday, prepare yourself dear passengers for a feature-film to hit theaters in 2012. Chances are that the movie will have a lot more love scenes than "Hoosiers"... sex sells everything in Hollywood nowadays.

It is for certain that two teams that play defense as good as Butler and Michigan State will make Saturday's first game a bloody affair of attrition.

DUKE:

In a tournament chocked full of feel-good stories, may we present to you... the villain.

The Blue Devils' path to The Final Four, comparatively speaking to the rest of the field, resembled the 1990 UNLV Runnin' Rebels scorched earth march through the tourney. With the exception of this past Sunday's seven-point win over Baylor, every Duke victory has been by double-digits.

That Baylor game was especially painful to watch if you are a non-Duke fan. College b-ball fans can be broken down to two types: Duke fans, and non-Duke fans. Every non-Duke fan hates the Blue Devils.

Baylor abandoned a rebounding mind set at the most critical time, allowing Duke second opportunities to score; and the Blue Devils cashed in, in spades. The Bears also had shortcomings in point-guard play, but we digress.

Like Izzo, Coach K returns to The Final Four with an unlikely group. Unfortunately Duke has just enough size and good shooting to pull this (winning it all) off against the rest of the remaining field. However they have to get past...

WEST VIRGINIA: Our Engineer tells a story (as he is PRONE to do) of a sweatsuit sporting fellow, who would hang out in South Philadelphia around 16th and Wolf, known as Bobby Big Huggs. He swears that this fellow coached a youth basketball team in South Philly before deciding it was more rewarding and lucrative to coach college basketball. He also swear that fellow is West Virginia Head Coach Bob Huggins.

Stereotyping a blustery looking man in a sweatsuit aside, the engineer keeps a train rolling down the line, so we abide with his tall tales.

Anyway, The Big Sweatsuit had a masterful game plan to defeat Jon Calipari and the Kentucky Wildcats. The Mountaineers dared Kentucky to beat them with outside shots, and in doing so would collapse their defense to nullify DeMarcus Cousins in the lane.

If Kentucky would have went to The Final Four, their appearance would have had to have been vacated in a couple of years like Calipari's last two visits with UMass and Memphis anyway!

So a pull on the train whistle to Bobby Big Huggs and his charges for sparing us that. Hopefully, they can spare everyone the sight of Duke in Monday's title-game as well.

In the words of the great civil servant of fictional Hazzard County, Boss Hog, "Git dem Duke boys!"

Will either of the two Final Four mainstays, Duke or Michigan State, win out and restore the universe to proper order? Will Bobby Big Huggs strike a blow for all coaches who refuse to wear suits on the sideline? Or will the ButlerThe D-train Daily Staff is patiently checking www.imbd.com in preparation for the story of the 2010 Butler Bulldogs defensive-themed push to the National Title. "Lockjaw", coming Fall 2012.

Brackets! We don't Need No Stinkin' Brackets.

Some years the NCAA Men's Tournament goes according to plan. Other years the chaos ensues from day one. With no clear-cut Goliath and a bunch of Davids armed with high velocity slingshots, ya just had to know that the latter was going to be the case.

The Big East, which received an excessive eight bids, took it on the chin in day one. These teams were supposed to leave their mark on the tournament. Instead the tournament place a footprint on the backside of Big East teams on day one.

Georgetown saw first-hand what a grand equalizer the three-point shot is as the Bobcats of Ohio dispatched the Hoyas in dominant fashion. From the start the Bobcats had the look of a team that expected to win. Notre Dame would have likely rather have taken the more appropriate NIT bid than show up at the big dance and score 50 in a one-point loss to Old Dominion. Marquette, bounced by a last minute bank-shot against Washington, gave the most inspired performance of any Big East team on day one.

Villanova, a national finalist in the consensus bracket of the D-train Staff, was most dissapointing of all despite their victory. Robert Morris dominated the Wildcats on the boards as they almost pulled off what would have been the tourney's biggest upset... so far. One could attribute 'Nova's scare to bad shooting, bad rebounding, or a lack of rhythm due to the early benching of senior starters Scotty Reynolds and Corey Fisher; Either way, it is apparent that the Wildcats team that backed into the tournament (losers of five of their last seven leading up to the tourney) is in trouble.

Apparently the Big East teams that played on day one thought that showing up would secure victory -- They were mistaken. Syracuse and Pitt, among others, are on notice.

A Horn Toot Where a Horn Toot is Due

This morning on SportsCenter, for a brief moment, ESPN did it how they used to do it. After doing analysis on the Dayton Regional of the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament, anchors Josh Eliot and Hannah Storm gave us useful information.

UConn Head Coach Geno Auriemma has served as an assistant, or vice versa, under the coaches of the higher profile programs in the Dayton Regional. Temple Head Coach Tonya Cardoza, among others, was an assistant under Auriemma for 14 years.

So this train sounded the horn for ESPN because they let the stories that are inherent in sports present themselves as they reported them to us. The small bit was informative and alluded to all the sub-plots that will play themselves out as the women's tourney unfurls. We were spared the spin, speculation, and so forth that have unfortunately become the network's calling card and led us to arrange its call-letters as the Eternal Speculation and Pontification Network. That was not the case for a moment today.

Then the breaking news that Tiger Woods announced he would be coming back to the PGA for The Masters ruined that calm moment. Before you could say Perkins' waitress, the network was back up to the rumor-mongering and what not that has become their usual tricks.

Still, we here at The D-train Daily enjoyed the moment and hope that there is another like it in the future.

Pac-Man vs. Clottey... BOOOORIING

Zzzzzz. ZZZZZZ! Oh! We're pulling out for today's run. Sorry dear passengers for the snoring, but the Manny Pacquiao/Joshua Clottey fight was just plain vapid; the staff on the D-train Daily could hardly stay awake as we watched it. The most interesting thing about last night's fight may have been the bigger than the biggest Texas belt buckle jumbo-tron as the Tajmajerryjones was on full display.

One saw all they needed to at the weigh in Saturday. Two fighters, preparing for the next day's battle smiling at one another. Smiling?! If there is no crying in baseball, you best believe there is for damn sure, no smiling in boxing. Pacquiao was probably smiling because he was having so much fun thinking about the sound check for his post fight concert. Clottey was certainly smiling about an unexpected seven figure payday.

Clottey is known for his defense and a "chin of stone" (The latter is what we like to call a left-handed compliment). And his defense was good. When he took chances, on occasion, he would hurt Pacquiao as evidenced by the battered appearance of the Pac-Man after the fight. However, Clottey essentially fought as though he never expected to win while Pacquiao's speed discouraged risks ever more so.

What truly makes the fight a shame, as well as a snoozer, is that it should not have been this way.

Point the finger where you may for the implosion of the negotiations between Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather Jr., the point is that boxing fans were cheated last night. The people that paid the 44.95 fee for the fight should feel even more cheated. That fight should have been shown on ESPN's Friday Night Fights.

In a Sporting News Radio interview this past Friday, Freddie Roach, Pacquiao's trainer had this to say about the fight that should have been:

"That fight has to happen, and I can't see it not happening. Too much money involved, too much at stake, and boxing needs that fight."


No duh!

The question is when/if Mayweather vs. Pacquiao happens, will the people who paid for Pacquiao vs. Clottey get if for free? They deserve it.

Screaming Mimi Resurfaces

Grab your earplugs and prepare for maximum decibels. Screamin' A. Smith has returned to give us more of his patented jet engine reporting.

Yesterday, Smith wrote in a Philadelphia Inquirer column titled "Iverson Needs More Than a Prayer", that Allen Iverson is battling alcoholism and a gambling problem.

This was first brought to our attention on a Facebook news feed posted by frequent passenger Julie T. (a.k.a. Ms. Awesome, Her Royal Awesomeness, etc.) of Roxborough.

The article reads:

"If numerous NBA sources are telling the truth - and there's no reason to believe they'd do otherwise in a situation of this magnitude - Iverson will either drink himself into oblivion or gamble his life away."

First, Iverson's wife filed for divorce last week, in addition to the Philadelphia 76ers saying that he is essentially done for the season. And let us not forget the obviously serious illness that his daughter is afflicted, which had been keeping Iverson away from the team.

Smith eloquently wrote this on the subject of the impending divorce:

"The one advantage Iverson acknowledged having all of these years was a wife about whom he publicly said, "I'd die for her. . . . I'd die without her." Now, she essentially has said, "Go right ahead."

Nice Smith, real nice.

Second, "Numerous NBA sources"? What does that mean?

We here at the D-train Daily are often afforded access to the NovaCare Center due to a long friendship with a member of the coaching staff. On occasion we chat with say, a janitor or cafeteria employee. If we cite them in a report does that count as an NFL source? Because we are of the belief that it would for Screamin' A.

Also, the only quote that Smith had in the column was from former Temple University Men's Basketball Coach Jon Chaney. Obviously Chaney is a knowedgeable source, but not on the NBA and certainly not with respect to Iverson.

Smith is kicking Iverson while he is down in an obvious attempt to bring himself back in to the eye of the sport-viewing public. For whatever reason, Smith was hot in the streets for a moment in time. Between the regular columns, the frequent ESPN appearances on all things NBA, and his show "Quite Frankly" (SUCKED) you could not go two days without enduring Smith.

Okay, we have an ax to grind with Screamin' A. if that has not been picked up on yet. Three years ago, Smith had this to say about bloggers:

"And when you look at the Internet business, what's dangerous about it is that people who are clearly unqualified get to disseminate their piece to the masses...Therefore, there’s a total disregard, a level of wrecklessness that ends up being a domino effect. And the people who suffer are the common viewers out there and, more importantly, those in the industry who haven't been fortunate to get a radio or television deal and only rely on the written word. And now they’ve been sabotaged. Not because of me. Or like me. But because of the industry or the world has allowed the average joe to resemble a professional without any credentials whatsoever."

A psychologist would refer to Smith's words as projecting. He was an over-opinionated freelance writer who got his break due to the popularity of his Internet website. So talk about someone getting in the door and then slamming it shut behind them, that's this guy; the same guy who gives irresponsible reports with haphazard attribution of his sources, is hypocritical in his assessment of amateur writers, sounds like he was grabbed from in front of a 40-store to be put on TV, and just basically an all-around a-hole.

Quite frankly, Stephen A. Smith can suck it, and suck it dry. Ask yourself this dear passenger: Have you missed him?

Thomas Jones? Yes Please!

Have you ever known that you need someone? The Birds need another back, that's unanimous. Who, oh who, could spell Shady McCoy, be a veteran in the locker room, and get yards with power?

May we here at the D-train Daily present Thomas Jones. Mr. Jones has a solid resume. He is coming off his 5th straight season of 1100 yards or more. He has averaged over four yards per carry in all but one of those seasons (3.6 in 2007). That was also the same season that Jones had the lowest total of yards (1119) in his streak. Last season Jones rushed for a career-high 1402 yards on a career-high 331 yards. So even if last season represented Jones' zenith, the drop off should more than suit the Eagles' purpose.

Keep in mind that Jones is 31, however he does not have too many miles on him. He was a part time back his first four seasons. Also combating a decline for Jones is the fact that he is in shape. No, actually this guy is jacked! Have you seen him? WWE owner Vince McMahon looks at him and says, "Damn!"

Tomorrow Jones is off to Kansas City for to visit the Chiefs and that fine. It's a business and he will explore his options. But would it hurt Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid to make a call to Jones while he's on his way there?

"Hey Thomas this is Big Red. Yeah. You're goin' to Kansas City. That's a James Brown song. Of course I have soul. Isn't Kansas City rebuilding? Not much to do outside of downtown. Nice town though. We're good here in Philly. We get bored, we take a day trip to New York, D.C. What are you doing after you're done there you should stop by. Of course we like you. Did I mention we're a contender? Ok. Good. One favor, would you stop my Arthur Bryant's and grab me 2 racks of ribs and a beef brisket. I'll pay you back when you get here."

The video of Baylor freshman Brittney Griner punching Jordan Barncastle (fun name) during a game this past Thursday was on the monitor on the cafe. Tangled together Barncastle flings Griner a few feet, and Griner pops her one.

As comedian Kevin Hart once said, "Whatever happened to the shove?!"

"Shouldn't be long 'til we have our first bench-clearing brawl at a women's game," said our Conductor.

Oh if only.

Is Big Ben a Ding Dong

An old Chicago saying: "Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, the third time is enemy action.”

Another girl?! Really? Is two-time winning QB Ben Rothlisberger really in a fix again over another girl? This is like when Michael got accused by another kid.

TMZ, the most trusted news source on the D-train Daily, reported today that the Steel City QB was accused of sexual assault in Midgeville, Georgia. The assault allegedly took place in a bathroom in a club called Capital City.

A bathroom? First, Big Ben should know better. Hookups in the bathroom by the power of cocaine homosexuality or both. Second, it has yet been a year since the last accusation of Rothlisberger arose so that should be so fresh in his mind that the couch or the gym is where one can find him in the off-season.

Have you ever noticed that the Steelers have no cheerleaders? Another girl?!

On Yesterday's run of the D-train Daily we complimented TMZ on their trustworthiness in news-gathering. And hours later they break this story. It's good to see they took our compliment to heart and stepped it up. Keep up the good work guys, and keep reading.

The Carolina Panthers officially released Jake Delhomme today at a press-conference in which Head Coach Mike Fox and GM Marty Hurney choked back tears.

Fox and Hurney were ready to cry thinking about the contract that they gave a 34 year-old QB and the subsequent season that he had; sad indeed.

In the February 18 run of the D-train Daily this was said:


"The Panthers likely would have had some loot to spare if they had not given QB Jake Delhomme a substantial extension last year (5 years, 42.5 million). Even before this past season's 18 interception mess, Delhomme's contract begged the question...FOR WHAT!!! After, even during, the season the extension could have been called, as grannyandthepig.wordpress.com put it, "the worst NFL money ever spent.""

As all NFL coaches and GM's do, Fox and Hurney read the D-train Daily, and took our brand of prudence to heart realizing they needed to correct their mistake as best as possible. Fox and Hurney, we know you're reading, there is only so much advice we will give you. You play in the same conference as our Beloved Birds.

New Rule

New Rule proposed by The D-train Daily: Sports should now be covered by TMZ. Right now things are somewhat slow in the sports world. Football is in it's off-season, college and pro basketball have yet to hit the stretch run when things get juicy, baseball is in Spring training, and Tiger's keeping it in his pants. So the Endless Speculation & Pontification Network (ESPN) has to do their "what if" stories.

Take for example their latest fiction novella,, "LeBron James could be headed to the New York Knicks this summer." It was released last season, which was way too early. And it defies reality. James is home in Ohio. A move to New York also means starting over, literally; look at that squad.

If TMZ covered sports we would already know that as long as Cleveland brass show initiative with regards to assembling a solid supporting cast for James, he is going nowhere. We would be subjected to no more dramatic quotes from anonymous sources. TMZ never reports the story, they get the story. They are always right there on the scene. That's the kind of reporting one can trust.

We are all Witnesses

Lebron James filed paperwork with the NBA conveying his intention to change his jersey number from 23 to 6. James said that he is giving up the number in an attempt to lead the effort to have the number retired league-wide to honor Michael Jordan. James chose 6 because he wore it with the U.S. Olympic team.

So to honor Jordan he switches to 6?! First, one of the all-time winning players in sports history wore that number -- Mr. Bill Russell. Frankly, Jordan's accomplishments pale in comparison to Russell's. Second, that was the number of none other than The Doctor, Julius Errrrrrrrviiiing.

James is full of whoo-ha! The D-train Daily staff sees his game. The King changed his number before the playoffs in what could be a title run, and gave himself off as some martyr for Jordan. He is gonna spike his jersey sales and look like some kind of pupil of the game. We are all witnesses, to a big publicity stunt of a hustle. Apparently James did not see Jordan’s hall-of-fame induction speech. Jordan needs no one’s help making it all about Jordan.

According to the Associated Press in his first interview since pleading guilty to felony gun possession charges, Gilbert Arenas said that he is not worried about his sentencing date later this month. He should have kept quiet. According to the report Arenas said he's not nervous as long as the judge goes off the "real story" of what happened in the Wizards locker room in December. Wow, that Gilbert Arenas is too cool to be forgotten. We don't know anyone who wouldn't sweat going to jail for a weekend let alone a felony charge. Gilbert obviously intends to eat this charge chew it up and shoot it in a wastebasket with his cool self.

If Jaime Moyer adds a knuckleball to his repertoire he could pitch until he is 60.

Chad Ocho Cinco will be on the upcoming season of ABC's Dancing with the Stars. We are so excited about seeing Ocho Cinco in some of the business-drag outfits that come with the territory on that show.

Sixers President and GM Ed Stefanski announced today that Allen Iverson will not be returning for the remainder of the season. Certainly, this is the end of the road for The Answer. Iverson had missed most of the past month to be with his sick 4 year-old daughter.

The silver lining in this is that the Sixers got a couple of sellouts out of the season, and Iverson rightly returned home to end his NBA journey. Was it us at the D-train Daily or had it seemed like Iverson had grown since last Philly saw him?

Brian Westbrook's career (at least in the 215) last week, and now Iverson's... It's like those times when 3 celebrities die within a month. Who's Next?!